Jealous? I Pity the Fool!

Admit it: have you ever used Facebook to check up on women from your past to see what and, more importantly, who they're doing?

The other day, while scrolling through the lists of friends of one of my friends, I came upon the name of an ex of mine (and, since I have so many exes, this could be anyone).  I clicked on it and, voila, there was her new life splayed before me.

The page had dozens of photos of her (sporting an apparent new boob job) with an apparent "boyfriend" who, if pictures are any indication, seems like a very nice guy.

As I went through the photos, it appeared that, with all of the shots of his family meeting her and her family, these two are probably registered at Crate & Barrel by now, and the catering hall has probably been reserved, even though there was no mention of this on the page.

It was a good opportunity to see if I mean what I say. Would I start to feel jealous? Would I get angry? Would I want to exact some kind of revenge?

The answer, in a word, was no. In fact, it was quite the contrary. I felt sorry for this guy.

Many students write to Your Professor asking how to get revenge on their exes. I always tell them the same thing. Don't waste your time or energy on that, and don't take any risks that will endanger your enjoyment of your current life free of that insufferable cunt.

Let's take me as an example with this ex and the new love of her life.

As I go through these photos, it is obvious to me that this poor guy doesn't know what he's in for. Even if I wanted revenge, nothing I could dream up could be worse than him having to be with her 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It seems great now, pal, believe me, I know how it can be. She seems like such fun!  Sex in the front seat of the car or just about anywhere at a moment's notice. If he likes it, she likes it. If he likes going to Laker games, she will be seated right next to him. If he likes to travel, she will plan the trip. She smokes weed. She drinks.  She loves having people over to the house. I am sure that he feels like the luckiest guy in the world, as I once did.

However, as I always say, when you find something in the recycle bin that looks good, like a TV that still works, there is usually a reason that somebody put it there.

Wait until she starts asking for her car to be upgraded. Every…single…day. Wait until he finds out that she will be gossiping with her friends about him: the good…the bad...the ugly. Wait until he finds out that her best friend fucked around on her husband and that she let the best friend use her apartment as a fucking location. (Never mind that this woman’s husband was supposedly also one of her “good friends.”) Does he know that she waited for me to leave the house so she could have long chat sessions with a girlfriend about an ex-boyfriend who refused to marry her, then married someone else? (“He’s gone now…tell me all about this woman he’s with!”) Or that she got caught giving her cell phone number to an ex-boyfriend who wanted her back?

How about when I found out that she had been dumped by her three previous boyfriends before me? How about the fact that she got really, really close to every friend and relative I had that she could find, getting everyone’s phone numbers and email addresses and then started spreading lies and gossip about me and some of my friends to all who would listen? How about the way she would blow up my cell phone when I was out doing business, with calls and texts demanding to know when I would be getting home, even showing up at business dinners and sitting down at the table inserting herself into the conversation?

I’m sure he doesn’t know about the time she was deported and I had to rescue her back into the US. How about the time she threatened to kill herself by leaving home in the late afternoon while I was doing my radio show with no hint of where she was going, forcing me to get 911 involved (I later found her in a Sunset Strip bar getting loaded and planning on driving after that). She even lies about what religion she actually is, and judging from the photos, that could very well be an issue for this poor guy. And when I told her I had had enough, she pretended not to hear me and refused to leave my home, forcing me to endure weekly couples counseling sessions during which I begged the therapist to tell her that I wanted her out. After leaving, she made sure to call people as close to me as my own brother to tell him a raft of lies about me which I later had to put to rest and to threaten to try to “ruin” my career.

I would love to feel jealous, and I would love to say that I am sad to see this ex with another guy, who appears to be a very nice guy.  Jealous? I pity the fool!

The worst part about it is that, among the photos, I also see photos of people who know the real truth, her good friends who will never tell him what he’s in for. Those are the people who know all of the things that I have mentioned above. They’re all smiling and laughing together in the photos. If only he knew what they know! And, especially, what I know.

It is a good lesson for all of us. Before you commit yourself to a relationship (if you feel that you must), be sure to do your due diligence.  The friends know all and tell little. If you know who she dated in the past, give them a call and see what you can find out. I would have been happy to give this gentleman the inside scoop had he called. Aren’t you the least bit curious when you meet someone who appears to be so much fun to be around why others unceremoniously dumped her?

No. I am not jealous. I wish this happy couple all the happiness I possibly can. And if I ever feel even a tinge of jealousy, I can think about all the misery that he is about to experience, which would make putting sugar in his gas tank or slashing his tires pale in comparison.

Remember my Tip of this Day: living well is your best revenge. Go out and find someone hotter, younger, better. Or preferably five someones.